To get what you've never had, you must do what you've never done.
Samuel Goldwyn is notorious for his misuse of the
language. However, he also had quite the sharp
wit. Sometimes his wit is mistaken for verbal
flub, while other times a verbal flub is the only
way conceivable explanation. Either way, this
collection of quotations is hilarious.
1.”An oral contract isn't worth the paper it is written on
2.”Gentleman, include me out”
3. “I've gone were the hand of man has never set foot”
4. “Anyone who goes to a psychiatrist ought to have his head examined “
5. “If I could drop dead right now, I'd be the happiest man alive”
6 “They stayed home in droves”
7. “Don't improve it into a flop!”
8. “I don't want yes - men around me. I want
every one around me to tell the truth, even if it costs them their jobs”
9. “I read part of it all the through”
10. “I had a great idea this morning, but I didn't like it”
11. “If I look confused it’s because I'm thinking”
12. “That’s the trouble with directors. Always
biting the hand that lays the golden egg”
13. “Tell them to stand closer apart”
14. “For your information, just answer me one question”
15 “You fail to overlook a crucial question”
16. “In two words, impossible
17. “It’s absolutely impossible, but it has possibilities”
18. “Go see the turkey for yourself, and see for
yourself, and see for yourself why you shouldn't see it”
19. “A hospital is no place to be sick”
20. “Give me a couple of years and I'll make that actress an overnight success”
21. “If I were in this business only for
business, I wouldn't be in this business
22. “I'm willing to admit that I may not always be right but I am never wrong?
23. “Give me a smart idiot over a stupid genius any day”
24.” Even if they had it in the streets, I wouldn't go” (on Mardi Gras)
25. ‘Yes, but keep copes’- when his secretary
asked him if she should destroy files that were over ten years old”
26. “True, I've been a long time making up my
mind, but now I am giving you a definite answer.
I won't say no, but I am giving you a definite maybe”
27. “I don't care if it doesn't make a nickel. I
want every man woman and child to see it”
28. “A bachelor’s life is not for a single man”
29. “Can she sing? She’s practically a Florence nightingale”
30. “Let’s have some new cliches”
31. “Why did you do that? Every Tom Dick and
Harry is name Sam! ”When a friend told him, he named his son Sam
32. “I paid too much for it, but it’s worth it”
33. “Yes, but that’s our strongest weak point.”
When a reporter asked a young Samuel Goldwyn if
he had ever made a picture before
34. “The trouble with business is the dearth of bad pictures
35. “You have to take the bull between your teeth?
36. We have that Indian scene. We can get the Indians from the reservoir
37. “We have been laid up with intentional flu”
38. “He treats me like dirt under my feet”
39. I want to make a picture about the Russian secret policethe GOP
40. Lets bring it up to date with some snappy nineteenth century dialogue”
41. “Is there a statue of limitations?
42. “I never put on a pair of shoes until I've worn them for five years”
43. “I never make forecasts, especially about the future
44. I don't think anyone should write his autobiography until after he’s dead”
45. Modern dance is old fashioned”
46. “This makes me so sore it gets my dandruff up.
47. “Why is everything so dirty here?” Goldwyn
once asked of a film director. When told it was
supposed to be a slum, Goldwyn responded, “Well,
this slum costs a lot of money, it should look better than an ordinary slum”
48. “Keep a stiff upper chin”
49. “Gentlemen listen to me slowly”
50. Don't worry about the war. It’s all over but the shooting.”
51. “To hell with the cost, if it’s a good story.
I'll make it”- when told that the script was “too caustic”for film.
52. “Our comedies are not to be laughed at. “
53. “Put it out of your mind. In no time, it will be forgotten in memory”.